Nearly every morning in our home, when our family comes downstairs to eat breakfast, we recite our six LeFevre Family Values. They hang on our fridge where everyone can see them.
As we sit at the table, we’ll say aloud together, “I’m a LeFevre, and LeFevres…”
- Love God with all their hearts
- Obey God, even when it’s hard
- Serve before being served
- Live in faith, not fear
- Treasure God’s Word
- Can do hard things
Besides being a sweet family practice, why do we do this? Because my wife, Rebecca, and I are intentionally forming the culture of our home.
Seth Godin puts it this way: “Culture is what people do when they’re under pressure.”
One day, when our kids are faced with pressure, what do they believe is true about themselves?
When pressure comes, it reveals what we truly believe about God and about ourselves. In the words of James Clear, “Your behaviors are usually a reflection of your identity.”
Faced with peer pressure? LeFevres obey God, even when it’s hard.
Tempted to be selfish and self-focused? LeFevres serve before being served.
Tempted to be fearful and anxious? LeFevres live in faith, not fear.
Tempted to quit when the going gets tough? LeFevres can do hard things.
You might think, “That’s cute. But that’s not actually going to help.”
I have a four-year-old daughter named Evelyn. The number of times she has been faced with something that’s difficult (at least for a four-year-old) and has responded, “It’s okay, I can do it. LeFevres can do hard things,” is astounding.
She’s beginning to believe this is true about herself—and it’s shaping her behavior.
And these values aren’t just for our kids; they are for me.
I can’t tell you how many times reciting these has helped shape the culture of my own heart. When I’ve been tempted to be fearful about finances, a relational situation, or simply the unknown, I will catch myself reciting these values in my head.
As I begin to worry, my internal dialogue looks like this: “No, that’s not who I am. LeFevres don’t live like this. We live in faith, not fear.”
One person defined culture this way: “Culture says, ‘People like us do things like this.’” We want our kids to grow up saying, “I’m a LeFevre, and people like us can do hard things.”
I think of the words of Nehemiah when faced with opposition: “Should a man like me run away?” (Nehemiah 6:11). In other words, “People like me don’t run.” He believed something about who he was and who he was called to be.
The culture of a home, of a person’s individual heart, or of an organization is a product of identity—who or what someone believes that they are.
We are intentionally forming both our and our children’s identities to align with who God has called us to be.
In his book Atomic Habits, James Clear gives a powerful example of how identity—what we believe about who we are—shapes behaviors. He gives the example of two people who are trying to quit smoking. When offered a cigarette, one responds, “No thanks, I’m trying to quit.” The other responds, “No thanks, I’m not a smoker.”
He says,
“The difference may seem small, but it signals a shift in identity. One person still believes they are a smoker who is trying to be something else. The other believes they are not a smoker at all.”
You don’t decide who you want to be in moments of pressure. In moments of pressure, who you truly believe you are comes out.
So, my question to you is, “Who do you want to be?”
Whether you’re a spouse or a parent and you’re shaping the culture of your home, you’re a leader trying to shape an organization, or you’re a college student fighting to shape the culture of your own heart, who do you want to be?
Rebecca and I distilled these six values down after multiple iterations. But they began with the questions, “Who do we want our kids to be?” and “Who do we want to be?”
If you’ve never done this, I would encourage you to write down your own values. Again, you could be a parent, an organizational leader, or an unmarried young adult. It doesn’t matter. You can begin to form the culture of what’s under your care, even if it’s simply your own heart.
Here’s how to begin:
- STEP 1: Begin to describe the ideal family member or team member. What qualities make them that way? Write them all down. As you do, your values will begin to appear. (If you’re an unmarried young adult, I’d encourage you to do it like this: Think of the type of person you’d like to marry. What makes them that way? As you describe these qualities, your values will appear.)
- STEP 2: Ask, do these line up with Scripture? If one of them doesn’t, refine it or replace it. Then, write the Scripture verse that the value comes from next to each one.
- STEP 3: Once you’ve listed all of the qualities you can think of, distill them down to your top 5–7. No more than 7! I know, this will be hard, but this forces you to think about what you truly value. And some of them can probably be combined somehow.
- STEP 4: Write down each of those seven values in no more than seven words. Again, the goal is to distill it down. Make it memorable. Make it memorizable.
- STEP 5: Print them off, put them in a visible place, and repeat them daily.
Once you have identified your values—who you want to be—you can begin to shape the culture of what is under your care.
Article written by Luke LeFevre; taken from his newsletter Consecrated.